Tag Archive: Animals
1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
2. Is there something I’m not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
3. Why doesn’t the government do something about dogs?
4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?
5. Hmmm … If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can’t we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?
6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.
7. Hey — no kidding, I’m sure that’s the can opener.
8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn’t given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
9. If there’s a God, how can God allow neutering?
10. If that really was the can opener, I’ll play finicky just to let THEM know who’s boss!
- 16. Sits on your newspaper in the morning and carefully
reads the coded message that Garfield sends out every day.
- 15. Used to sleep on top of TV, now monitors CNN 24 hours a day.
- 14. Notably absent from home during surprise feline invasion of
- 13. When you enter the room, Snowball and the other members of
the Tri-Cateral Commission stop talking and begin playing
- 12. Behind the couch you find a forged passport, plane tickets,
and nine suicide bombs.
- 11. What you thought was “heat” is actually a four-legged goose
- 10. Well, “somebody” subscribed to alt.cats.world.domination.
- 9. Autopsy of the last mouse left on your doormat reveals “tattoo”
to be blueprint of the UN Building.
- 8. Constantly petting that bald man he keeps on his lap.
- 7. Kitty Chow spilled on the floor spells out “Drop the car keys
and leave the door open or the dog gets it in the head.”
- 6. Then — dead mice in the kitchen. Now — dead third world
dictators in the basement.
- 5. Judging from the kitchen, he seems to be working on some
kind of “land mine” technology.
- 4. Fluffy is now sleeping only 21 hours a day, down from 23.
- 3. Has recently been acting somewhat… aloof.
- 2. What your cat lacks in charisma and good looks, he makes
up for with his ruthless handling of rival software companies.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat is Plotting World Domination…
- 1. Somehow, you’re now subscribed to “Feline of Fortune” magazine.