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I’ve been closely following the story of Fargo, ND local Nadine Schweigert, who “married herself” in a commitment ceremony last March. Last week, Schweigert appeared on Anderson Cooper’s day time talk show to talk about her ceremony. During the introduction, Anderson bluntly asked, “Is it empowering or is it creepy?”
Presenting the question in such a way is, one supposes, good for ratings. These days, it would seem, a story is hardly news worthy without some inherent controversy. Brad Wilcox, for instance, Director of the National Marriage Project, accuses Nadine of being “a bit confused.” His concern, apparently, is that marriage is not a “solo act.” Marriage, according to Wilcox, is about “bringing two different people together.”
Well, yes. But as someone who performed a similar commitment ceremony in 2001, I can assure Mr. Wilcox that those of us who “marry ourselves” are not confusing an important symbolic gesture with the institution of marriage.
Nadine is not alone. I collect stories of women who have performed similar ceremonies – some of the private, some of them well attended by friends and loved ones. My own ceremony, performed nearly a decade ago, was a private affair. (I wrote about it in my book, A Dress, A Ring, promises to Self: an unconventional wedding planner for one. http://www.dressringpromises.com). Whatever form such ceremonies take, the thing they have in common is the they are singularly empowering.
Nadine’s is a story whose time has come. This is not to imply that the idea of making a commitment to love, honor and care for oneself, so that one might better love, honor and care for another is a new one; it isn’t. But ritualizing the commitment – setting the intention and concretizing it – is somewhat new to most folks and, I think, valuable.
Three cheers for Nadine, who seems to have recognized that we can care for our loved one effectively only when we’ve learned to care for ourselves at least as well.
Sara Sharpe
http://www.dressringpromises.com
what i can’t believe really is that it turned into such a big deal in the first place but maybe im just a little too laid back