About these ads

Archive for May 3, 2012


10 Things Cats Are Thinking About

Filed under: Humor — 2 Comments
May 3, 2012

1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.

2. Is there something I’m not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?

3. Why doesn’t the government do something about dogs?

4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?

5. Hmmm … If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can’t we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?

6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.

7. Hey — no kidding, I’m sure that’s the can opener.

8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn’t given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?

9. If there’s a God, how can God allow neutering?

10. If that really was the can opener, I’ll play finicky just to let THEM know who’s boss!

 

About these ads
Tags: , , , , ,
Comment

Rules That Guys Wished Women Knew

Filed under: Humor — 4 Comments
May 3, 2012
  1. Crying is blackmail.
  2. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
  3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
  4. Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
  5. Get rid of your cat.
  6. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
  7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
  8. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
  9. You have too many shoes.
  10. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
  11. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up put it down.
  12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
  13. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
  14. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
  15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  16. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
  17. Sunday = Sports
  18. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
  19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
  20. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
  21. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
  22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done – not both.
  23. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
  24. You have enough clothes.
  25. Nothing says “I love you” like sex.
Tags: , , , ,
Comment

ALL-TIME Top Ten List of What Men Know About Women! Secrets Revealed!!

Filed under: Humor — 2 Comments
May 3, 2012

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Tags: , , , , ,
Comment

You Know You’ve Had Too Much Coffee When

Filed under: Humor — 4 Comments
May 3, 2012
  1. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
  2. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  3. The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
  4. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
  5. You lick your coffeepot clean.
  6. You spend every vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”
  7. You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.
  8. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  9. You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
  10. You can jump-start your car without cables.
  11. All your kids are named “Joe.”
  12. Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
  13. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
  14. You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
  15. People get dizzy just watching you.
  16. When you find a penny, you say, “Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I’ll have a cup.”
  17. The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
  18. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
  19. You’re so wired, you pick up FM radio.
  20. Your life’s goal is to “amount to a hill of beans.”
  21. Instant coffee takes too long.
  22. When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
  23. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
  24. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
  25. You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
  26. You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”
  27. You get drunk just so you can sober up.
  28. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
  29. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
  30. You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
  31. You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
  32. You don’t tan, you roast.
  33. You can’t even remember your second cup.
  34. You introduce your spouse as your “Coffeemate.”
  35. You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”
Tags: , , , ,
Comment

Signs Your Cat May Be Trying To Kill You

Filed under: Humor — 1 Comment
May 3, 2012
  1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
  2. He actually *does* have your tongue.
  3. You find a stash of “Feline of Fortune” magazines behind the couch.
  4. Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
  5. You wake up to find a bird’s head in your bed.
  6. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
  7. Droppings in litter box spell out “REDRUM.”
  8. Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, “Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?”
  9. Takes attentive notes every time “Itchy and Scratchy” are on.
  10. You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.
  11. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
  12. Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.
  13. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman’s noose.
  14. You find a piece of paper labelled “MY WIL” which says “LEEV AWL 2 KAT.”
  15. Now sharpens claws on your car’s brake lines.

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Comment

THE 16 SIGNS YOUR CAT IS PLOTTING WORLD DOMINATION

Filed under: Humor — Leave a comment
May 3, 2012
16. Sits on your newspaper in the morning and carefully
clear gifreads the coded message that Garfield sends out every day.

15. Used to sleep on top of TV, now monitors CNN 24 hours a day.
14. Notably absent from home during surprise feline invasion of
clear gifPoland.
13. When you enter the room, Snowball and the other members of
clear gif the Tri-Cateral Commission stop talking and begin playing
clear gif with yarn.
12. Behind the couch you find a forged passport, plane tickets,
clear gif and nine suicide bombs.
11. What you thought was “heat” is actually a four-legged goose
clear gif step.
10. Well, “somebody” subscribed to alt.cats.world.domination.
 9. Autopsy of the last mouse left on your doormat reveals “tattoo”
clear gif to be blueprint of the UN Building.
 8. Constantly petting that bald man he keeps on his lap.
 7. Kitty Chow spilled on the floor spells out “Drop the car keys
clear gifand leave the door open or the dog gets it in the head.”
 6. Then — dead mice in the kitchen. Now — dead third world
clear gifdictators in the basement.
 5. Judging from the kitchen, he seems to be working on some
clear gifkind of “land mine” technology.
 4. Fluffy is now sleeping only 21 hours a day, down from 23.
 3. Has recently been acting somewhat… aloof.
 2. What your cat lacks in charisma and good looks, he makes
clear gifup for with his ruthless handling of rival software companies.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat is Plotting World Domination…

 1. Somehow, you’re now subscribed to “Feline of Fortune” magazine.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Comment

Toni Morrison- On the road towards solidifying literary posterity

Filed under: Art, Authors, Culture — Leave a comment
May 3, 2012

http://nymag.com/news/features/toni-morrison-2012-5/

Tags: , , , , , ,
Comment

Saudi Arabian Girls Got Game and Demand to Play Basketball

Filed under: Culture, Social Justice, Sports — Leave a comment
May 3, 2012

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/03/saudi-girls-school-defies_n_1474224.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Comment

Young woman with the ultimate courage jumps from car to escape kidnapping

Filed under: Culture — Leave a comment
May 3, 2012

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/03/atlanta-woman-escapes-kidnapping_n_1474067.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
Comment

Critics get schooled by Anna Paquin on bisexuality

Filed under: Culture, Entertainment, LGBT, Sexuality, Social Justice — Leave a comment
May 3, 2012

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/03/anna-paquin-bisexuality-zooey-magazine-_n_1475128.html?ref=gay-voices&ncid=edlinkusaolp00000008

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Comment
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 196 other followers

%d bloggers like this: